To All Those who wanted access to me while in My Pursuit of Me
I write this with a full heart, one that’s brimming with both the weight of apology and the light of gratitude. If you’ve felt the sting of my absence, my silence, or my misplaced words, know that my journey was never about turning away from you. It was simply about turning into me.
There comes a moment when the world grows so loud that it drowns out your own voice. That’s where I found myself a few years back—lost in the noise of expectation, of giving, of endlessly pouring into people other than myself until my well ran dry. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone when I put up a wall of emotional boundaries. I was trying to protect the small, fragile ember inside me that was dangerously close to going out.
You see, I had to find my voice and show self-compassion. I had to rekindle the fire that once burned brightly in a child full of wonder and dreams, a child who believed anything was possible. Somewhere along the way, that child got buried under the weight of trying to be everything to everyone (... and reflecting on it, no one really asked me to). I needed to nurture her, to remind her that she was worth protecting, even from strangers who didn’t mean harm but broke me all the same.
Taking care of yourself is something we often weigh, trying to find the delicate balance between selfishness and self-care. We hesitate, fearing that putting ourselves first might come at the expense of those we love. But what we often forget is that sometimes we need to pause, to rest, to heal so that we can rise stronger for those we love and who depend on us. Based on my African upbringing I grew up believing the village honors this wisdom—yet I forgot, it understands that a person’s well-being is essential to the collective. When one member of the community is nourished, they carry strength that ripples out to everyone. It’s not selfish to care for yourself; it’s necessary. To be clear, I’m not talking about caring only for yourself, but about making space to care for yourself too. Only when we are whole can we give fully.
Growth is never an easy thing. See, when we grow through things—like a seed—we must break through the earth that once warmed us and reach for the sun with every life force we have, or we wither away. That breaking, that stretching, it’s painful. But when we grow tall, the earth around us is nourished by our falling leaves. The fruit we bear will feed those who seek shelter in our shade. Growth is not always beautiful, but with patience, it can be.
There have been takers—people who asked for my time, my energy, my listening ear, and my shoulder to cry on—people who only saw their battles and their scars —leaving me too drained to be there for those who truly cared if I flourished. I am limiting your access to me and offering more of me to those who share in healing and wellness. To those who loved me, not for what I could give but simply for the strange, awkward soul that I am, I see you now. To those who saw through my emotional outbursts and glimpsed the child crying behind the veil of strength, I owe you more than words can say while I was hurting and trying to heal.
If I hurt you while trying to care for myself, missed my presence or you felt something was amiss without asking why I pulled away, please understand—it was never about you; it was about me learning to cater to my soul. The change you saw was intentional. I wanted to change. I needed healthy boundaries—I was in a battle to reclaim my own strength, to show up for myself in ways I never had before. It was purposefully personal; it was a journey to heal the cracks in my soul so I could finally stand tall—not just for me, but for all of you who believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself.
To those whose love was warm and unconditional, who extended kindness when I least expected it, who checked in on me or simply sent words of encouragement—I see you. To those who welcomed me into their hearts without asking for anything in return or the old version of me, I owe you my deepest gratitude. And to those who supported me in your own unique ways and showed me kindness—you impacted me more profoundly than words can express. To the ones who bought a candle they didn’t need but wanted, who sought us out at markets just to say hello, or who traveled from near and far to visit our little corner of the world—I thank you from the depths of my soul.
You saw the big vision behind our 'small' studio. You watered the seeds of our dream, and those memories you helped create will forever be the foundation of what comes next (more about this in the new year). Because of you, I am stepping into this new chapter with strength and purpose, carrying the lessons you taught me and the love you so freely gave.
I can never repay the kindness, the patience, or the understanding you’ve shown me. But I can promise this: I will honor it by moving forward with an open heart, a grateful spirit, and a commitment to being the best version of myself—for you, for me, and for the dreams we’re still growing together.
With love, gratitude, and a heart full of hope... thank you!
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